Here we go again Ninja Nation, into our second installment of the funniest comic book ads ever! Today’s posts brings us more classic and over the top promises from marketers willing to take full advantage of our adolescent naivety. Enjoy!
20. Tricks & Gags
Man, this one and all the other versions of it were classics. I could sit for hours and imagine ways I could trick my older sister with these gadgets. The monster ghost in her room always intrigued me. I thought after I sprung that gem I could defend myself with the karate lessons and if that didn’t work I could go into hiding using the ”bald skin wig” or maybe the werewolf mask.
19. Cube Lube
I guess I fell under the same hypnotic spell as the rest of the country when it came to the Rubik’s Cube. Now I note that they never mention the Rubik’s Cube by name in this ad. Good old Bouge Industries, Inc., (french for “masturbation” I believe) skated a pretty thin copyright infringement line on this one. Furthermore, am I the only one here who finds the statement “Nothing moves your cube like CUBE LUBE!” just a little suggestive, a double-entendre if you will?
18. Man Country
Let’s just get this out in the open right here and now, the outdoors is man county! No women allowed! You can just stay indoors while we saunter about amongst the trees and forest critters fondling ourselves with Cube Lube.
17. Zombie Mask
This ad seemed omnipresent. When I found it again, it me brought right back to the feelings I had as kid when I would come across it, sheer terror. Despite what the ad said about the zombie mask being made from rubber, my sub-conscience would skip right over that fact. Both me and The Magic Center knew the truth, it was human skin, probably from the “Far-East” and I was pretty sure it came with a curse.
Did our parents know that such a horrific and powerful object had been placed so close to our grasp by The Magic Center? Nope, this was a secret pact brought to us each month at the back of our Richie Rich comics. What’s more this pact came with a great weight of responsibility spelled out in The Magic Center’s dire warning “…but please…if your friends have bad hearts-don’t wear it.” Good God, this shook me to the core. I wasn’t a cardiologist, I hadn’t even graduated from grade school yet, how could I possibly know which of my friends had bad hearts?! Cross this one off the list.
16. Be Taller
Before I became a full fledged, card carring, Ninja, I was a rather tiny little kid. I would always read over this ad longingly and think about what “a couple of extra inches” could do for me. Somewhere in the middle of this fantasy, I would glance at the torso-less man in the picture and come to the logical conclusion that to be taller you had to have your pork and beans removed. Now, I wasn’t a hundred percent sure what the purpose of my pork and beans were back then, but I had sense enough to know that I should probably preserve them for important activities in the future.
Hi – have you seen the advert in early 80s Marvel comics with a kid looking up to OJ Simpson and saying ‘OJ when I grow up I wanna be just like you!’? I had a Miller Daredevil once where this advert was on the back.
Believe it or not there is an O.J. one coming up in the next five for Spotbilt cleats. You have stolen the Ninja’s thunder, the Ninja will now have to come to your house in the middle of night and rain down thunder on you!